The Blame Game

“I myself will guarantee his safety; you can hold me personally responsible for him.” - Genesis 43:9a

Dear Friends,

One of the quickest ways to ruin your life is to start playing the Blame Game.

I love to play games - board games, some video games, athletic games and card games too. I love to win at games as well. But the Blame Game is a game that no matter what, everyone comes out a loser in the end.

When meeting with engaged couples, I enjoy an activity that’s found in their workbook about blame. We talk through 3 situations that most couples will run into - forgetting to celebrate a holiday, saying something insensitive in public, making a large purchase that wasn’t discussed. Each result in anger, frustration, hurt feelings and some sort of fight. You assign blame - who is most at fault and by how much. But when we discuss it, I try to help them see - both people had a part to play in how they got to where they were.

It doesn’t help to assign blame to someone else.

When we blame, all we’re doing is shirking responsibility for our part. Even if we’re only 5% responsible, we still need to own our 5%!

Over the years, mostly by trial and error, I’ve seen the value in owning our 5%. If we can see and understand the mistake we made, the error of our actions, the hurt we’ve caused… and apologize for it, then we are much more likely to come to a positive resolution than if we stand our ground and complain about the fact that the other person is 95% to blame!

And to top it off, it’s quite rare that we’re ever only 5% to blame - or at least, it’s rare that I’m only 5% to blame!

So, let’s add something else to our list of what we’re giving up this Lent - blaming. Let’s take responsibility for our actions. If we do so, when we do so, we will see others doing the same thing. And the healing that will come from that is so much better than the momentary high we receive when we “win” an argument by assigning blame.

Welcoming people to Grow in Jesus,

Pastor Don

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